The Cynical Universe

I have apparently been tagged by a friend (A Novel World) to post six random facts about myself. Why not- here goes.

1. I used to chew on pens and pencils all the time but my jaw started to hurt so I stopped.

2. I am becoming increasingly more atheist towards organized religion. While i think there is probably some kind of supernatural force which we don’t quite understand yet that may or may not control the universe, i do not believe that supernatural force is a pissed off baby Jesus who hates gays and liberals.

3. Furthermore, I am becoming increasingly convinced that religious people are bat shit insane, retarded, or both. Typically speaking, imaginary friends in adult life are frowned upon.

4. I watch more TV than I should… but it’s SO GOOD! Even Rock Of Love II.

5. I have lost about 15 pounds in the last 6 months by exercising (sometimes) and eating better (sometimes).

6. I am not a big fan of boobs. I am definitely a legs and ass man.

I don’t know if I am supposed to tag people to do this, or something…. so just comment in your own facts if you want to. Or something? WTF?

“The scandal to me begins with the fact that we have a president who is so insecure with his intelligence that he appoints the most mediocre people in the world to positions of immense authority. Thats why so many people in his own party don’t like Alberto Gonzales because he is another Harriet Myers or Mike Brown. This is why our government is so screwed up- because it’s staffed by these idiots so George Bush can walk into some place and say I’m the smartest guy in the room.”
-Bill Maher

I don’t personally get the obsession with baseball- maybe because I’m a hockey fan, which in the US puts me somewhere in between crazy and Canadian. At any rate, baseball bores me, so I’ve come up with some rules that I think would make the sport more interesting for the masses (or at least, for me).

1. When the batting team has two outs, if the batter gets a hit, he’s allowed to run with the bat. He may use the bat however he pleases. Also, if the batter gets a hit, the first baseman gets tossed a medieval shield from the bench and can use that however he pleases!

2. Each team gets to plant a secret booby trap somewhere on the field. Nuff said.

3. Three times per game, a team’s pitcher is allowed to throw an exploding baseball. If the ball is caught it’s ignored. If the ball is hit and explodes, the batter is out.

4. One player on each time is required to chug a beer after each inning.

5. Baseball game is reduced to 4 innings, but each inning has 5 outs.

6. For the final 4th inning, all lights are turned off. Each team uses night vision goggles to play.

7. Similarly, for the final 4th inning, there are no inside-the-park fouls. A ball hit anywhere in the park is fair game.

8. When Barry Bonds hits a home run, the fielding team is allowed to throw their mits at him as he rounds the bases. If Barry is injured, the fielding team gets 1 run added to their team and his home run doesn’t count. This is a creative way to make up for the fact that his record is really just one big steroid.

There we go- 8 ways to make baseball just a little bit less boring! What would you add to make baseball more tolerable?

Tomorrow I’ll depart for another business trip to exotic Cleveland (Ohio). My job, as you may or may not know, has taken me to many cities across the United States and Canada, and it will continue to do so for quite some time. This blog will be a place for me to share my adventures in all their fun, humor, frustration and insanity. Some trips are better than others, some cities are cooler than others, but one thing will always be true:

Chicago O’ Hare is always delayed.

That being said, you can expect this blog to (hopefully) be entertaining, and you may consider this my ‘hello world’ post. I would say that this blog will be dedicated to my travels, but I doubt I’ll be able to refrain from putting in my two cents about political issues, either. All in all, it’s probably going to be a quirky little blog… fingers crossed!