America’s Purge - #1 - President Bush Friday, Jul 11 2008 

America's Purge and Bush and Nightmares Thomas Nikl 9:02 am

I was recently reading a funny article on things that embarrass America and I couldn’t have agreed with the author more. He brings up some good points, and honestly, America is slowly but surely the world’s punchline. I think it’s time we as Americans took back this country, one day at a time, and started purging- if you will- all the things that make our country shittier than it otherwise has to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of the USA, but she needs some work right now, and it’s time we put the gloves on and really started cleaning up some of the shit thats been piling up for centuries. Think of it as an American spring cleaning or something.

And so, very obviously, the first thing that has to go is our phenomenally (retarded) President, whom I have nicknamed “Georgie”. I think Georgie expresses perfectly how I feel about that bumbling slack jawed yokel. And I’m not talking about just kicking him out on his ass after his days are up in January, I’m talking about deporting this crazy fuck to somewhere awful- perhaps the Sun. I mean he’s been saying for years that God chose him personally to be President, so what say we let him put his money where his mouth is. If he can survive the Sun with the help of God, then he can come back. My guess is he’ll find a way to fuck the Sun up, too, just by getting near it. That’s basically going to be his legacy here- “master of the fuck up”

And look at that stupid shit eating grin. God I hate this man. I seriously HATE this man and wish he’d go hunting with Dick Cheney more often since apparently Dick is a little trigger happy. I’m just saying.

Anyway, Georgie, consider yourself the winner of the very prestigious “get the fuck out award”. Now get the fuck out, for the sake of America.


 

Recession? What Recession? Friday, Jul 11 2008 

Bush and Nightmares and Politics and Republicans Thomas Nikl 8:37 am

NEW YORK (AP) — Stocks tumbled Friday as investors focused on troubles at mortgage companies Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and watched oil prices climb further into record territory. The Dow Jones industrials fell more than 200 points and slid below the 11,000 mark for the first time in two years.

Nope, no recesession. Nothing to see here folks. Nothing at all. Go about your normal business.

 

A (Satirical) Letter To The Troops Thursday, Jul 10 2008 

Bush and Democrats and News and Politics and Republicans Thomas Nikl 10:02 am

This letter was on Daily Kos and I agree with it’s satirical point completely. What a selfish fucking country we are. If we honestly care more about our (comparatively petty) problems than we do about the guys half way around the world who are actually in harms way, then it’s time to bring them home, because clearly their job is done.

One day I’ll run for President and all my blogs and journals I am sure will really bite me in the ass. But you know what, I wish more people- more politicians- would stand up and call the people out on their bullshit. But alas, most of the politicians are just as dumb, and twice as selfish.

Read the letter. It’s literally the least you can do.

–

Dear Troops in Iraq and That Other Place,

Hi! How are you? Staying busy, we hope, and close to an air conditioner! It’s hot here, too—don’t get us started, ha ha! Thank god for popsicles, eh?

We have some bad news, I’m afraid. As you may have heard, things aren’t very rosy here stateside. So we’re sorry to report that we’ve collectively decided that the wars of freedom you’re fighting over there have been bumped down a notch–or two–on our national list of problems and priorities. :(

Now, before you start feeling sorry for yourselves, let us explain why you’re no longer our top priority. You see, we’re hurting at the moment. Hurting pretty bad. It’s tough to know where to start. The real estate market sucks, gas prices are forcing us to cut back on vacations, our 401(k)s are battered, we’re losing our jobs and things are getting more expensive. As much as we know that shopping is the best way to fight terrorism, it’s just getting harder to plunk down the plastic at Macy’s. There’s just “too much month left over at the end of the money,” ha ha.

Thank goodness you’re over there and don’t have to experience what we’re going through over here. You still get to drive your Hummers—we’re all selling our SUVs for pennies on the dollar and squeezing into Priuses. We wonder if you can even grasp the magnitude of our discomfort. If you do, then no doubt you’re stomping your feet and yelling (as we are): “God dammit! Stop the insanity!” Some of us have even had to start riding bicycles again or doing that thing where you stand up and put one foot in front of the other. (Warking? Wooking? Something like that.)

So please forgive us for turning our attention away from you men and women in uniform, but we’ve got our own problems here in the States. Don’t get us wrong, though. You’re still doing a terrific job, and we promise to get back to you just as soon as our lives become a little more comfortable and cozy. We hear it could be as soon as 2010.

Huzzah to y’all, and if there’s anything you can do to help us out with our struggles, please let your CO know. (Care packages stuffed with corn-based food products, salmonella-free tomatoes and some of the billions of dollars that Viceroy Bremer “lost” when he was in charge would be helpful, but all suggestions are welcome.)

Big hugs,

We The People
1/7th of whom can locate where you are on a map

P.S. You can also help us out big time by holding charity petroleum drives over there. We need oil and LOTS OF IT. Just stop what you’re doing this instant, start scooping up the crude with your helmets, and send it over in those big supply planes. For the love of God and Country, do it now. We NEED THE PRECIOUS JUICE!

P.P.S. Aunt Gladys is pregnant again.

–

http://bill-in-portland-maine.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/7/10/84342/5144/432/548742

 

Common Sense: Blackwater USA Thursday, Jun 19 2008 

Blackwater and Bush and Common Sense and Nightmares and Politics and Republicans and War Thomas Nikl 9:39 pm

I’ve been reading Jeremy Scahill’s book “Blackwater” and I have to admit it’s particularly startling. I’ll probably post a review of it when I’m done (like 20 pages to go). But a few things occurred to me.

- Military benefits and pay suck.
- We are currently fighting (a few) wars.
– Therefore, Military enlistments are down.

- Blackwater benefits and pay are huge.
- Our government is paying a ton of money to Blackwater for men to fight in previously mentioned wars.
– Therefore, it isn’t that people won’t fight, they just need proper incentive.

COMMON SENSE CONCLUSION:
- Scrap Blackwater contracts, put money in government’s bank account.
- Take half of said money and invest in higher military benefits, pay, etc.
- Take other half of said money and invest in post-war support of soldiers.
- Watch military recruitment rise.
- Stop worrying about massive mercenary army hanging out in North Carolina and fighting our wars with literal immunity and no oversight.

Am I crazy? Doesn’t this seem more logical, and more desireable than a government who lap feeds private contractors who donate to their campaigns?

 

Our President, The Retard. Thursday, May 29 2008 

Bush and Humor and News and Nightmares and Politics and Republicans Thomas Nikl 9:38 pm

 

Corporate Life - The Trouble With E-mail Wednesday, Apr 30 2008 

Bush and Corporate Life Thomas Nikl 9:57 pm

In the past I’ve posted about many topics. Bogus moving scams (CHAMPIONS MOVERS of FREMONT, CA), my hatred of Georgie W Bush, gay republicans, various religious stupidity, clueless travelers… and rest assured, I’ll keep posting about all that stuff.

But you know, one thing I don’t post about is corporate life. Don’t get excited just yet I’m not going to go spilling all the water cooler gossip (our water cooler is lonely). But something occurred to me today. Something that really drives me up the wall. Some people just don’t get e-mail. They just don’t fucking get it.

Let me explain. The purpose of an e-mail is simple. It’s a simple way for me to ask you a few questions that are possibly important but which are not important enough to warrant a phone call. In any given e-mail I am likely to ask you one or multiple questions.

And this is where people get all fucked up on me. Let me provide you with a (fake) example.

TO: GEORGE W. BUSH
FROM: THOMAS NIKL
SUBJECT: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Georgie-

It’s clear that you’re a retard but do you really have to dance at every event you attend these days? What kind of idiotic dance is that, anyway?

Also, we’re meeting for dinner next week so I may lambaste you in person, what is the address of the restaurant again, I’ve lost it?

Next, John McCain says he needs a hug- are you available this evening for a sleep over?

Lastly, we’d like to get started on the next round of tax cuts. How much do you think we should issue to the American public this time around?

Cheers,
Tom

Please note, audience, that I’ve asked five questions in this e-mail, though two are rhetorical. And here, to illustrate my point, is the infuriating response that I get from some people in the corporate environment.

TO: THOMAS NIKL
FROM: GEORGE W. BUSH
SUBJECT: RE: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Thom-

let is send thems $600 agin.

W.

[In as dry a tone possible]
You sonofabitch.

 

Sadness- No More Jericho Friday, Apr 18 2008 

Bush and Entertainment and News and Nightmares and Politics Thomas Nikl 9:15 am

Jericho was a show on….uhh… I don’t remember actually. But anyway, it was a damn cool show. Sure, some of the acting was gay, but it was a good show, but unfortunately, like so many other things, Americans were too fucking stupid to understand or appreciate it. So now it’s gone. Bastards.

Jericho, however, unknown to many, was basically an analogy for the “War On Terror” and what the shit-tastic administration has done. There were analogies for how the government has acted, the war in Iraq, the deterioration of our civil liberties, bullshit firms like Halliburton (Jennings & Rall), bullshit contractors like BlackWater (Ravenwood), fear policies, etc, etc. The list really does go on. It was a good show, with a good message, and crappy acting, but nonetheless, I will miss it. Here is a cool quote from one of the final episodes:

Jake: Its not about convincing one man hes wrong- its a whole system
Grandpa: You think it’s impossible? This has all happened before. If the names weren’t Jennings and Rall, they would be names like… the British East India Trading Company. If it wasn’t Ravenwood, it would be the Haitian Mercenaries. It all comes down to the same thing…
Jake: revolution? <pause> Revolution.

It’s time for a revolution in this country, and despite everyone’s best efforts, I hope it’s only a matter of time before heads start getting lobbed off again.

 

Bushie - Global Warming Plea Wednesday, Apr 16 2008 

Bush and Nightmares and Politics Thomas Nikl 3:59 pm

Dear George-

Please don’t try and fix global warming. You fuck up everything you touch. Just stay locked in the bathroom for the remainder of your presidency so as to avoid turning anything else to shit.

Thanks,
The USA (well, the thinking part of the USA)

 

Travel 101 - Safety Inspections? Friday, Apr 11 2008 

Bush and Republicans and Travel Thomas Nikl 7:43 am

Dear Airlines-

You have no one but yourselves to blame for neglecting your own safety inspections, and thus, have no right to complain about any money you are losing on lost flights and/or compensation to passengers you’ve fucked over. If you would at least inspect your planes when you need to, or at best, buy a new airplane to replace your piece of shit 1980’s-era air fleet, maybe you wouldn’t have this problem. In fact, you’d probably be dying a much slower death if you had decent air fleets!

Oh, but you can’t buy new fleets you say? Because oil prices are too high? Well, why don’t you take all those lobbyists you own and lobby the bush administration to get the fuck out of Iraq so that you can start turning a profit again with reasonable oil prices? If it’s cheaper oil you need, then your old pal Georgie is your problem. In fact, he’s everyone’s problem.

Stop complaining and start lobbying!

 

WTF- What Planet Does President Bush Live On? Thursday, Mar 27 2008 

Bush and Nightmares and Politics and Republicans Thomas Nikl 6:32 am

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS DOUCHE BAG? Why can’t he ever give a speech that meets the following requirements:

1. No BULLSHIT.

2. Facts are GOOD.

3. Speak at a 5th grade level or higher.

4. Don’t make up words.

5. Quit using your stupid Texas drawl and idiotic smirk. Smirks are supposed to be cool- I smirk all the time- you look like you’re trying to avoid shitting your pants.

Fuck you, retard, send your daughters to Iraq and then give me a progress report you dumb mother fucker.

 

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