The Cynical Universe

According to reports, Alabama Attorney General Troy King, who has called homosexuality the “downfall of society,” has allegedly been caught in a gay sex scandal.

King, a conservative Republican, was reportedly caught by his wife Paige King having sex with a male assistant in their Montgomery home. Reports say King was kicked out of his home by his wife and is set to resign over the scandal.

King is known for voicing his opposition of abortion and homosexuality. He has worked to outlaw sex toys in Alabama. King frequently wrote editorials for The Crimson White in which he called homosexuality the “downfall of society.”

In 2004, King was appointed to Attorney General by Alabama Governor Bob Riley. He previously serves as the Assistant Attorney General. King is considered a potential candidate for Alabama governor in 2010.

link

I was recently reading a funny article on things that embarrass America and I couldn’t have agreed with the author more. He brings up some good points, and honestly, America is slowly but surely the world’s punchline. I think it’s time we as Americans took back this country, one day at a time, and started purging- if you will- all the things that make our country shittier than it otherwise has to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of the USA, but she needs some work right now, and it’s time we put the gloves on and really started cleaning up some of the shit thats been piling up for centuries. Think of it as an American spring cleaning or something.

And so, very obviously, the first thing that has to go is our phenomenally (retarded) President, whom I have nicknamed “Georgie”. I think Georgie expresses perfectly how I feel about that bumbling slack jawed yokel. And I’m not talking about just kicking him out on his ass after his days are up in January, I’m talking about deporting this crazy fuck to somewhere awful- perhaps the Sun. I mean he’s been saying for years that God chose him personally to be President, so what say we let him put his money where his mouth is. If he can survive the Sun with the help of God, then he can come back. My guess is he’ll find a way to fuck the Sun up, too, just by getting near it. That’s basically going to be his legacy here- “master of the fuck up”

And look at that stupid shit eating grin. God I hate this man. I seriously HATE this man and wish he’d go hunting with Dick Cheney more often since apparently Dick is a little trigger happy. I’m just saying.

Anyway, Georgie, consider yourself the winner of the very prestigious “get the fuck out award”. Now get the fuck out, for the sake of America.

NEW YORK (AP) — Stocks tumbled Friday as investors focused on troubles at mortgage companies Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and watched oil prices climb further into record territory. The Dow Jones industrials fell more than 200 points and slid below the 11,000 mark for the first time in two years.

Nope, no recesession. Nothing to see here folks. Nothing at all. Go about your normal business.

Ok. If you are a religious person today (let’s just say Christian) than you believe in one god and you do not believe in all the other gods that have come before and which exist today.

For example, you believe in Christian God, but not Allah, Abraham, Thor, Mars, Zeus, etc.

Now, even if you ignore Hinduism which has like a billion gods, let’s safely assume you do not believe in 500 Gods (as according to other religions).

Now, doesn’t that mean that if you believe in 1 God, and you do not believe in 500, that you are 1/500th Theist, and 499/500th Atheist?

And if that’s the case, can’t you just round up already and ditch the “god” that just happens to be popular today. Why is “today’s god” true, and all the others prior, bogus. And don’t say because there are written records (the bible) -that was written by HUMANS and then modified (heavily) by a KING. And if you would use the bible as an example, then wouldn’t you have to concede that Mormonism (which is a bigger brand of insanity) is legit, also?

This letter was on Daily Kos and I agree with it’s satirical point completely. What a selfish fucking country we are. If we honestly care more about our (comparatively petty) problems than we do about the guys half way around the world who are actually in harms way, then it’s time to bring them home, because clearly their job is done.

One day I’ll run for President and all my blogs and journals I am sure will really bite me in the ass. But you know what, I wish more people- more politicians- would stand up and call the people out on their bullshit. But alas, most of the politicians are just as dumb, and twice as selfish.

Read the letter. It’s literally the least you can do.

–

Dear Troops in Iraq and That Other Place,

Hi! How are you? Staying busy, we hope, and close to an air conditioner! It’s hot here, too—don’t get us started, ha ha! Thank god for popsicles, eh?

We have some bad news, I’m afraid. As you may have heard, things aren’t very rosy here stateside. So we’re sorry to report that we’ve collectively decided that the wars of freedom you’re fighting over there have been bumped down a notch–or two–on our national list of problems and priorities.

Now, before you start feeling sorry for yourselves, let us explain why you’re no longer our top priority. You see, we’re hurting at the moment. Hurting pretty bad. It’s tough to know where to start. The real estate market sucks, gas prices are forcing us to cut back on vacations, our 401(k)s are battered, we’re losing our jobs and things are getting more expensive. As much as we know that shopping is the best way to fight terrorism, it’s just getting harder to plunk down the plastic at Macy’s. There’s just “too much month left over at the end of the money,” ha ha.

Thank goodness you’re over there and don’t have to experience what we’re going through over here. You still get to drive your Hummers—we’re all selling our SUVs for pennies on the dollar and squeezing into Priuses. We wonder if you can even grasp the magnitude of our discomfort. If you do, then no doubt you’re stomping your feet and yelling (as we are): “God dammit! Stop the insanity!” Some of us have even had to start riding bicycles again or doing that thing where you stand up and put one foot in front of the other. (Warking? Wooking? Something like that.)

So please forgive us for turning our attention away from you men and women in uniform, but we’ve got our own problems here in the States. Don’t get us wrong, though. You’re still doing a terrific job, and we promise to get back to you just as soon as our lives become a little more comfortable and cozy. We hear it could be as soon as 2010.

Huzzah to y’all, and if there’s anything you can do to help us out with our struggles, please let your CO know. (Care packages stuffed with corn-based food products, salmonella-free tomatoes and some of the billions of dollars that Viceroy Bremer “lost” when he was in charge would be helpful, but all suggestions are welcome.)

Big hugs,

We The People
1/7th of whom can locate where you are on a map

P.S. You can also help us out big time by holding charity petroleum drives over there. We need oil and LOTS OF IT. Just stop what you’re doing this instant, start scooping up the crude with your helmets, and send it over in those big supply planes. For the love of God and Country, do it now. We NEED THE PRECIOUS JUICE!

P.P.S. Aunt Gladys is pregnant again.

–

http://bill-in-portland-maine.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/7/10/84342/5144/432/548742

Ron Paul’s “The Revolution: A Manifesto” is one of those rare books written by a politician that isn’t bogged down in political trite. I admit bias in this review, as a Ron Paul supporter, but why can’t all other politicians speak to us as if we were informed, intelligent adults?

Probably because most of America is not. But for that elite minority who wish to pursue truth, knowledge, and some of the harsh realities that will face America in the near and far future, then I urge you to pick up Ron Paul’s book and give it a read. At less than 200 pages it’s a quick read. But don’t let it’s length detract from it’s importance.

Every day I grow slightly more disenfranchised by the politicians who run our country. With so few who are willing to speak openly and honestly, Ron Paul’s book is a diamond in the rough. Read it with an open mind and you won’t regret it.

Or you could just keep watching Fox News like a moron.

• Hardcover: 192 pages
• Publisher: Grand Central Publishing April 2008
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0446537519
• ISBN-13: 978-0446537513

What the FUCK, CNN? Right now the Scott McClellan congressional hearing thing is going on. Obama is having a meeting with Democratic Governors on the economy. Two HUGE stories which I’d love to watch.

And you’re busy having some stupid personal finance chick answer asinine questions?

Fuck you, CNN. If I wanted shit I’d watch Fox News, I’d expect you (being, you know, a 24 hour news network) to actually cover the god damn news. You guys suck.

Lust is a primal, natural instinct.

When someone is in a relationship, in order to be monogamous, they must exercise conscious resistance to lust.

That being said, how can monogamy be natural as people say? If remaining monogamous by definition involves resisting an emotion that is natural, then isn’t the act of monogamy by definition unnatural?

I’ve been reading Jeremy Scahill’s book “Blackwater” and I have to admit it’s particularly startling. I’ll probably post a review of it when I’m done (like 20 pages to go). But a few things occurred to me.

- Military benefits and pay suck.
- We are currently fighting (a few) wars.
– Therefore, Military enlistments are down.

- Blackwater benefits and pay are huge.
- Our government is paying a ton of money to Blackwater for men to fight in previously mentioned wars.
– Therefore, it isn’t that people won’t fight, they just need proper incentive.

COMMON SENSE CONCLUSION:
- Scrap Blackwater contracts, put money in government’s bank account.
- Take half of said money and invest in higher military benefits, pay, etc.
- Take other half of said money and invest in post-war support of soldiers.
- Watch military recruitment rise.
- Stop worrying about massive mercenary army hanging out in North Carolina and fighting our wars with literal immunity and no oversight.

Am I crazy? Doesn’t this seem more logical, and more desireable than a government who lap feeds private contractors who donate to their campaigns?

DETROIT RED WINGS
2008 STANLEY CUP CHAMPS!!

ROFL: Penguins….

THANKS FOR A FUCKING AWESOME SEASON, BOYS- YOU DESERVE IT.

BOOOOOYAHHHHHH, BABY!!!